There has been so much that has happened lately that my mind struggles with fitting it all into the course of the last two weeks. So many changes, some for the better with definite movement forward, others that leave me conflicted, my heart heavy, and with whispers on every bird song that bring me to tears. But all change is a step forward, even if we cannot see it. Even what feels like a step backward is still a step forward for while time may not be linear, our lives most certainly are and everything that happens to us moves us closer to who we will be in the end, influencing who we will be in the next.
One of the constants in my life has been that of writing. It's nothing that I ever had much plans for, nothing I ever dreamed of making money off of, rather it was something that I was always compelled to do. I've always written because I had to, because it was as natural and as necessary as breathing. So, of course, dense as I am, I would be shocked when the opportunity to write professionally, to get paid for that which I would do regardless, would appear. An interesting change, one that feels good, one that feels right and as if other pieces are getting ready to fall into place, slowly, but as surely as the Sun will crest the tree tops every morning, chasing away the frost that still covers this mesa nightly.
And now another witch has joined the fold, with my wee family coven welcoming our fourth child and middle daughter as a rightful member, her Dedication Ceremony taking place this past Full Moon. Her siblings welcomed her with laughter and sparkling eyes, happy for this sign of her achievement and acknowledgment of all that she has learned thus far. And, of course, they were all happy to have another of our family proudly claim the title of witch for themselves, a group cohesion that brings each of us joy and stability.
But this past Full Moon was not without it's trials and sacrifices, though. Old tales of Gods demanding appeasement for unintentional slights still hold true, and an event that should have been one of celebration quickly turned to one of concern and foreboding. Offerings, songs, and apologies were quickly offered to both the Land and to Her, but it was not enough. She demanded more. Yet even that which She required as a lesson to us came with it's own penalty. I am not yet sure if enough has been done. I feel as though there has not, and my mind wanders back to every recent request and message She has sent, concerned, doubtful, and looking at avenues to step up my duties as a priestess to better serve Her and make amends.
The Gods are not all love and light, They are not willing to do whatever we ask simply because we asked and burned an incense stick or candle. They have Their own motivations and agenda that are far too often outside of our scope of understanding. They may appear to us as human, but They are not like us and we are not like Them. There may be a trace of divinity in all life, but that is not the same as being like a god, that is not to state that any of us are Divine, nor to assume a fair (by our standards) treatment from Them is due any of us.
My path is, inherently, quite religious, even if I cannot state a name for it that others could acknowledge or claim for themselves as being the same as what they do. I am a priestess to Her, and witch using the Craft as a means of honoring and serving Her. Religious witchcraft is so vague, yet so exact when it comes to the individual. Her communications and requests are a driving motivation in my life and influence the decisions I make. Go ahead and call me superstitious; I don't trust anyone who isn't. That only denotes a distinct lack of depth to one's existence and I refuse to not look beneath the current or to not see the things that cannot be seen.
It's apparent there's much on my mind that needs sorting out. But for what struggles and conflict there may be at this time, I am continuously hopeful for the future and grateful for the saving graces that come last minute, unexpected surprises that make everything hold together for just a little bit longer. I know She has a hand in that, I know that I have a hand in that, too, as does my husband, and those gorgeous little children who are always too quick to work the weather, despite their mother's protests.
I'm not apt to be online much for the next couple of weeks, as things are so busy right now. But, I will catch up on emails and divination readings this weekend, hopefully.
Throwing the Bones