Five of Swords

I am not a warrior. I am not a fighter. Mind you, I can be rather feisty at times, am most certainly a tad argumentative, am more stubborn than is possibly beneficial, and may bite just for fun. But, I am not a champion, nor a knight on a white horse; I am not Princess Leia.

The Five of Swords has repeatedly come up in Tarot readings as of late. I am hoping that I am the Sword holder, because it's a long walk to the Sea and I've forgotten how to swim at this point. No indications either way, but things feel positive, hopeful, dry. But that doesn't change the fact that this section of road is more than a little bumpy, full of potholes, and most certainly harboring thieves in the bushes. 

First Quarter Moon in Capricorn, the Saturn influence became apparent much sooner. Friday the urge for conscious magick was felt, the need was surely there. I ran about the house, assembling supplies. The energy was building and in my mind I saw the spell plan out as I gathered and found items, I saw what I was planning to do, and I saw my willed outcome for the scenarios I would be facing soon. Materials assembled, I decided to check with the Tarot about possible outcomes, paths of action, etc. Call it a moment of doubt: I'm working on learning how to squash those faster. What would be the outcome be if I do this spell? Cards layed out, energy still building. What will be the outcome if I do not do this spell? Flipping over cards, last card layed, and then.... the energy left. That was it. Hadn't even managed to light a damn candle and the spell had been worked from start to finish. I sat there for a moment, ignoring the cards and just feeling. Changed focus quickly once I was sure. 

Now I am facing the moment for which said un-lit candle would have been lit, the moment of confrontation I'd rather not confront. Deep breath in, hold, and exhale. Must stay grounded or the fact that my hormones are imbalanced will betray me and I'll be apt to start crying at the first sign of stress. Deep breaths. This is all stupid and I'd rather avoid it. Why must everything feel like a life or death battle? Struggling to survive, to exist. Deep breath in.

Five of Swords. Exhale.

I hold the Swords: to the Sea with you.