Omens are building again. Little signs slowly appearing, in surprising places, just as they normally do. Apparently the Universe is in the mood for talking; I am grateful.
Things stalled for a while. I got distracted: focused too stronly on maintaining focus that I lost track on where I was going; of course, I ended up not going anywhere.
The end of Mars retrograde certainly helped. It was about that time that things started rolling again: I shook off my funk, took a look around, and noticed a large, draining hole in my life.
That recognition has mulling away in my mind now.
So it's a little trivial, but it's something I find exciting, so... after blogging for over a year now, I've finally got one of those snazzy little "friend connect" subscribe boxes in the sidebar. My site host doesn't offer such a thing and wasn't compatible for one before. But, thanks to my fabulous husband there's one just over there to the right now. :D
Decorations lay scattered across the floor, lights flicker on the tree erected where our family altar* usually stands. The theme for our altar and celebrations since buying and moving into our first house has been "let's do something different." This is not to suggest that we're not still maintaining our traditions, not still enacting the rites as passed from parents and grandparents, rather what we are doing is looking to create new traditions, new ways in which to celebrate our faith and our family.
Normally, we would have the tree in one corner of the main room, while still maintaining our family altar either in the same room or another. This year we are a bit crammed for space and over the course of years, our Yule decorations have come more and more to include symbolic representations of our faith. This year we've made the natural transition, then, to the tree being the altar.
I am not a warrior. I am not a fighter. Mind you, I can be rather feisty at times, am most certainly a tad argumentative, am more stubborn than is possibly beneficial, and may bite just for fun. But, I am not a champion, nor a knight on a white horse; I am not Princess Leia.
The Five of Swords has repeatedly come up in Tarot readings as of late. I am hoping that I am the Sword holder, because it's a long walk to the Sea and I've forgotten how to swim at this point. No indications either way, but things feel positive, hopeful, dry. But that doesn't change the fact that this section of road is more than a little bumpy, full of potholes, and most certainly harboring thieves in the bushes.
It's raining again, a heavy, clinging rain like those of Autumns always are. It's already gotten so cold here, 2 frosts last week: Mabon has arrived. The energies as of late are so... weighty. Autumn tends to be like that. A hard season of change that demands the waning Solar energies get on with it ...and get out. The Moon also wanes. Perhaps it is these two combined that makes the now so trying. Perhaps dear Jupiter, His back turned to us, is also having an effect.
My optimism, at the moment is fading. There are energies at work that drag and pull, like swimming in a dress. Break free and swim to the surface, or be dragged to the bottom to drown.
I dreamt of picking four-leaf clovers last night. They were Autumn clovers, changed and thin, drying and cracking. I found three, but then the third one disappeared and I couldn't find it again, though I looked all about.
Old demons cling hardest when you're finally to be free of them for good. Shadows of last Summer are appearing again, digging in their claws, letting their presence be known. Shake 'em loose, just shake 'em loose. The surface is just ahead, shake 'em loose and swim. The Sun is shining just beyond, and four-leaf clovers only grow in the sunshine...
The Sun creeped in through the closed shades, casting golden lines upon the honey colored wood floor. The house was quiet, most of the family was still asleep; muffled snores could be heard through a closed bedroom door.
From outside, the sounds of traffic were a low murmur. Larger diesel vehicles could be heard shifting gears as they went up or came down the hill in front of the house. Children gathered at the ends of driveways, proudly sporting brand new backpacks overloaded with shiny new school supplies. Filled with nervous excitement, they would pose for one more picture for their mom, casting sideway glances, hoping that the school bus full of kids wouldn't happen upon this embarrassing scene. But not at our house.
I'll warn you now by stating that this probably isn't going to be a constructive post, there won't be anything learned for either of us. Now that you're properly prepared, let us continue, shall we?
This past Dark Moon time was not a pleasant one for me. Mercury went direct, the Moon went Dark, Jupiter went retrograde, and I happened to be in the grips of a 6 months postpartum hormone imbalance; all this within the same 3 day period. Yeah, fun times. All attempts at grounding did not help as much as I needed; I was still shaky and scatter brained. Several headaches, too, and Reiki barely helped. But, the Moon waxes strongly, and I am feeling better now. I've also given up coffee (which I only drink postpartum in hopes of staying conscious) because I've noticed I'm becoming addicted to sugar (which must go in coffee because coffee is... not as pleasant as it could be....)
Friday night I had a dream, involving my mother. Given the recent flavor of my dreams involving her lately, this was not a pleasant dream, but certainly cathartic (at least for dream-me.) Like the other dreams of late, this one revolved about the same theme: throwing the truth in my mother's face, forcing her to deal with it, and be damned any emotions or opinions she may have on the matter.
Going back the last nine months or so, and this truth has involved the boys not going to Sunday School, reminding her that I won't hold lip service to a religion I don't believe in (just because of that whole damnation thing, like some people do *cough-cough* *hint-hint,*) and that she's not allowed to treat my younger sister the way she treated me when I was my sister's age. Last night, though, was about my husband's and my decision to homeschool Atticus.
Long time no blog. *sigh* Things have been stressful as of late and I'm afraid I'm on a path to burning out soon. Headache every night this week; yesterday was a vicious migraine that took hold of my stomach and ordered an evacuation. The kids have not been helpful, school is ...frustrating, and my love has been gone all week (contributing to the non-helpful behavior of the older three, the baby, of course, is happy as long as she is in mommy's arms.) I apologize to all who read this for not being even slightly entertaining. I shall try harder, but no guarantees until after I finish midterms this week. Remind me, please, why I thought going back to school was going to be fun. And to think I have two more classes starting next Monday. Surely I'm crazy, if not, I will be soon enough. Ahhhhhhh.................
Cleansed the house last night. Nothing extreme, just a quick, light cleansing to tide things over 'til we get the house set up: then we'll due a full cleansing and warding. After which, husband and I spent the remainder of the evening engaged in something we've not done much since early in our relationship. (No, not that! We've four kids together, after all...)
We laid out our beautiful Indian tapestry (which will be back on the wall once the house is put together,) and used it as a casting cloth/ He on one end with the new Russian Tarot deck we just got, me on the other with my beloved Hanson-Roberts. Back and forth we went, one would ask a question, then the other would ask a question based upon that reading. We favored the 10 card, Celtic Cross spread for it's scope and breadth.
The results were intriguing. The way that synchronicity has been running rampant in my life recently, I'm, obviously, expecting something to come soon (but what...?) but what the cards are hinting at is not what I had in mind. Much to ponder and reflect upon. Additional oracles and divinitory methods to be consulted.
And, if anyone can shed further insight on to the meaning of fireflies (the most common of the "coincidences," not the actual creature, but the word keeps coming up,) feel free to pass it on. :)
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